PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
