my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
