nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
