Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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