i think i have two assholes
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
