Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
