I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i dont even know how to be here
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
