Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
