im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
