I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
