just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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