My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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