so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
