So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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