If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
