IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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