Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
