so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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