Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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