She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
