she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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