lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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