I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize
