Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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