just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
