I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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