A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
