Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
