so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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