I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
