This dress was meant to end up on your floor
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Houston, we have a squirter
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
