I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
