So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
