Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
