Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
No stitches, just platelets and will power
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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