How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
