He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
