I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
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