i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
