Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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