I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
17 year olds will be the death of me.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
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