DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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