He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
