I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
