watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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