the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
