their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
