I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
