FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
