The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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